Suggestions that economists at our university might have been among those who, according to an article in the journal Research Policy, offered or accepted sex in order to secure co-authorship credits have been described as ¡°mere gossip¡± by our Head of Economics, Professor D.?B. Ruckgang.

Professor Ruckgang did, however, concede that there might be ¡°superficial grounds for concern¡± in the news that 18 of his own publications, including his July 2007 article ¡°The Inherent Stability of the Global Economic System¡± (Economic Myopia, Vol. 16 (22)), had been co-authored by a Ms Voracia Storm.

Professor Ruckgang agreed that although Ms Storm¡¯s research record had now secured her a Readership, her initial aptitude for economics had been evident only in the relative speed with which she calculated customers¡¯ bills at Poppleton¡¯s Cosy Tea Rooms.

(Ms Storm was unavailable for comment because of her G8 commitments, but a former colleague at the Cosy Tea Rooms told Ponting that from what she had heard about academic economics, it was surprising that anyone who could add up a cake bill had not already been awarded at least a personal chair.)

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Take me to your leader

Would those elephants have made it across the Alps without the management skills of Hannibal?

Just one of the questions raised by the news that a record number of universities are losing their present vice-chancellor. New, inspiring, overpaid leaders are currently being sought at universities as diverse as Durham, Southampton, Buckingham, Bristol and The Open University.

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Only one university appears to have absented itself from this rush to appoint. Plymouth has placed its present vice-chancellor, Wendy Purcell, ¡°on leave¡± but has consistently declined to announce the length of this leave or the chances of the university¡¯s former leader and chief executive ever returning.

Our Director of Corporate Affairs, Jamie Targett, expressed ¡°profound sympathy¡± for the ¡°vice-chancellorless staff¡± at Plymouth. Their sad plight was not helped, he believed, by those ¡°cynics¡± who had gone so far as to suggest that the university should take full advantage of its administrative predicament and rebrand itself as Plymouth Ho Ho.

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Numbing numbers

226 ¨C The number of days that Thomas Docherty, the University of Warwick¡¯s professor of English, has been banned from the campus.

226 ¨C The number of days that have passed without the University of Warwick providing any public account of the reasons for the ban.

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Thought for the week

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

Everyone these days leaves an automated email message on their computer saying that they¡¯re on ¡°annual leave¡±. How very formal. What¡¯s wrong with ¡°On holiday¡± or ¡°Having fun¡±? Let¡¯s cut out the euphemisms. ¡°No, stop it, Dr Quintock. Not while my bikini is still wet.¡±

lolsoc@dircon.co.uk