University of Poppleton staff news

Research assessment exercise
The next research assessment exercise will cover the period to July 21 2007. Although a sizeable number of you will not be with us by that time, I'm sure you will agree that it is vital that we begin our preparations.

I am, therefore, delighted to announce that we have a new RAE director, Brian Jacket. Mr Jacket has a distinguished record in public relations, specialising in issue-blurring, track-covering and tarting up official submissions.

Mr Jacket suggested that we conduct a mock RAE in late November, at which academics will be asked to indicate which four publications they have that are suitable for the RAE and which publications they might have by 2007 that could be substituted for the lamentable ones currently on offer. (NB. As Mr Jacket will not be in post until December, his place during these deliberations will be taken by a mock director of RAE.)

In the news
Dr Georgina Furry of our botany department recently appeared in a Radio Poppleton programme on "winter window boxes".

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Professor Leo Gladgrinder of our chemistry department was rung up by someone from BBC's Panorama programme who didn't leave a message.

Our former bursar, David Greasby, recently appeared on the steps of the Central Criminal Court.

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New staff
Dr Lorna Browser, lecturer in the computer studies department.
Dr Gawain Perks, lecturer in medieval studies.

Time to say goodbye
Dr Lorna Browser, lecturer in the computer studies department.
Dr Gawain Perks, lecturer in medieval studies.

Leave of absence
Dr Piercemuller. Three years to study the effect of global warming on tourist destinations in the southern Mediterranean.

Staff development club
As part of its commitment to total academic development, the club will offer a workshop called "Size does matter" on November 9. (All male members are invited.)

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The Vice-Chancellor (written and signed in his absence by Mrs Dilworth).