Jennifer Doubleday, our Head of Personal Development, has asked us to publish a breakdown of the results obtained by those members of staff who recently completed the Part I practical component of the Emotional Intelligence Test. Happy to help out, Jennifer.

Professor J.W. Oswald (Statistics) B++ Congratulations, Professor. A very good mark. You obviously have a capacity to consider other people's feelings. But do take care with that ingratiating smile!

Doctor Liam Shanks (Zoology for Business) B(+) Well done, Liam. A good mark. Your emotional interaction score was, however, slightly dragged down by your tendency to close your eyes when other people are talking. Something to work on.

Ted Odgers (Media and Cultural Studies) D(-) Ted, this is disappointing. Poor marks on eye contact, social smiling and open body posture. You must also curb your predilection for shouting, raising your fist in the air and thumping tubs. Everyone has to start somewhere, but quite honestly this mark is a tad too close to fully fledged psychopathy for comfort.

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CARRY ON READING!

In the wake of the news that the English department at Northumbria University has decided to drop "reading week" our Director of Curriculum Development, Janet Fluellen, signalled that there would be no change at Poppleton.

"Reading Week, or as we prefer, Reading Fortnight, is a tradition at this university," she told our reporter, Keith Ponting (30). "It gives students an opportunity to develop an independent approach to learning. This is in line with our Induction Week, which allows students unsupervised access to the campus during the first seven days of every academic year, and our Library Fortnight, in which the absence of all lectures allows them to discover the Library."

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Asked for her views on Dr Piercemuller's decision to offer all his tutees a Reading Term, she declined to comment.

THOUGHT FOR É«ºÐÖ±²¥ WEEK

(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

Always remember that we welcome "thoughts" from all members of staff past and present. This week we welcome a "thought" from our former Chief Finance Officer, Norman Panting, who is currently "taking it easy" in Barbados.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell

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(I like this one so much that I'm having this embroidered for my wall.)

GRADUATION DAY

Following last year's unfortunate arrest of Doctor K.W. Strutt (Advanced Mathematics) in the atrium of the Poppleton Lakeside Shopping Centre, all staff are reminded of the need to remove their academic hoods immediately after the conclusion of this year's Graduation ceremonies.