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If you¡¯re unsure where your head is
for jetting around
If you¡¯re wasteful with millions
but skimp over pounds
If discussion embarrasses you
(it reveals your mistakes!)
Urge pay restraint widely
while you¡¯re on the take

If your idea of performance
is chasing indicators
While stuff of real substance
is left to third-raters
If you bluster and boast
day in and day out
And preside over chaos
but deny the fallout

If you spend all the money
on posters and flags
And banners and websites
and corporate Jags
And starve your departments
of much-needed cash
And splash on white elephants
or hoard a big stash

If you lick boots for England
and seek a knighthood
And you pass the shit downwards
¡¯cos it does your career good
If you¡¯ve abandoned the life
of the inquisitive mind
And hang out in quangos
where pockets get lined

If those sat around you
talk corporate drivel
And waffle and piffle
and piffle and drivel
If your assistant¡¯s a sycophant
who thinks he¡¯s a poet
You must be a v-c
and, sadly, you show it

Anon