Happy days are here again!

From: The Office of the Vice-Chancellor and Principal

I am writing with the exciting news?that Christmas Day 2015 will?be an additional university closure day.

This gesture is an acknowledgement of the tremendous contribution that nearly all members of staff have made to what has been yet another relatively successful year for Poppleton University.

High up on that list of successes is, of course, our nomination for the prestigious Most Improved Finger Lickin¡¯ Good University of the Year Award sponsored by KFC (¡°where the chickens really come home to roost¡±).

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But this is only part of the overall success picture. Our national and international rankings continue to show a remarkable consistency, and although our dramatically enhanced performance in the research excellence framework is currently under investigation by a?leading anti-doping agency, we anticipate a?satisfactory outcome.

I do hope that you will all enjoy the swathe of free time granted by this extra closure and that it will enable you to return to work with renewed vigour on Boxing Day.

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Merry Christmas everyone.

The Vice-Chancellor (signed in his absence by Mrs Dilworth)

Not all ye faithful

A seasonal message from the Reverend Georgina Spandrel, our university¡¯s ecumenical chaplain.

We have gone to considerable lengths this year to satisfy those members of staff who pointed out that last year¡¯s campus Nativity Play was insufficiently sensitive to those of other religions and those who choose to risk hellfire by not believing in anything very much.

You will be able to see the results of this new sensitivity for yourself when this year¡¯s Ecumenical Nativity Play is performed in the atrium of Jo?Johnson College at 7pm on Tuesday 15 December. Book early. Last year many people were disappointed and others couldn¡¯t get tickets.

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NB Do you fancy yourself as a thespian? As the result of a small number of the cast succumbing to?debilitating breakdowns, the following roles are still to be filled:

• Second stable ox
• Third wise man
• Buddhist monk
• Background donkey
• Muslim lady
• Richard Dawkins